Holiday Plans, Part Two: Seasonal Relocation
Holiday Plans, Part Two: Seasonal Relocation is the second episode of the Red vs. Blue special Holiday Plans. Characters Red Team *Grif *Simmons Blue Team *Tucker *Caboose *Epsilon Synopsis Simmons and Grif arrive at their holiday base in the middle of Sidewinder, the planet of ice and snow. After Sarge leaves for the hot tropical beaches of Zanzibar, Simmons then finds out that the base has no power, so no heat. Simmons and Grif start to freeze to death, but Simmons has to solve this problem by himself because Grif found out how to get a vacation from work: convert to all religions to get the whole month of December off cause the UNSC lets soldiers off work for holiday purposes. Simmons finally gets Grif to help him with heat situation by suggesting they burn their Jeep for heat. But Sarge had Simmons not to destroy their equipment. But to make matters worse The Blues have relocated to same base but since the base one big building their forced to live on snowy hills outside. Pissed off because they had move too and from slowly dying from hypothermia they attack the reds out of rage. Simmons at first is confident that him and Grif can handle Tucker and Caboose but soon lose hope when Epilson-Church starts blowing up their equipment. They enter defensive positions but, with the Blues attacking with full on rage and Grif not doing anything cause he converted to all religions. Simmons is forced to do the one thing Sarge told not to do when they got to holiday base: Call him. Transcript Fade in to the Red Ice Planet Base Simmons: Well, the base has no heater. No heater means no heat. No heat means no life. We're gonna freeze to death. Grif: Great. Simmons: We have fuel, but no igniter, so we can't start it. Command thought this base might be more festive? Ph, I guess our funerals might be a nice family get-together. Hope they take pictures. Grif: Simmons, I've been thinking 'bout that. Since this is the holidays, Command would have to let us off for religious purposes, right? I mean, if it came up. Simmons: Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Why, do you have a religious holiday coming up? Grif: Yeah. Simmons: I didn't know that. What religion are you? Grif: Well, that's the thing, see, I looked it up, to see which religion would give me the most days off? Simmons: I don't think that's how you're supposed to determine your primary philosophical view of the Universe. Grif: And I saw that a lot of religions do have holidays in December, but there isn't one that has more coverage than the others. Simmons: Coverage? Grif: So, I joined all of them. Simmons: Joined all of what? Grif: All religions. Simmons: You joined every religion. Grif: Yeah. I feel it A, sends a great message of tolerance and inclusion during this holiday season, and B, it means I get to take off all of December. Also most of next year, and all the years after. Simmons: You can't join every single religion, Grif. Grif: Says who? Simmons: Says the religions, it's against their rules! Grif: Well see that's the thing, the army doesn't ask that I'm good at my religion, it just asks that I pick one. And I did pick one: I picked 'all'. Simmons: Grif, that is offensive on both a spiritual, and an administrative level. Grif: Hey, that statement sounded a little intolerant to me. Simmons: Just help me get this panel off, I need to check the heating coils. Grif: Can't, day of rest. Simmons: Hhh, what? Grif: Today's one of my days of rest. Turns out I now have six days of rest a week. Very convenient. Simmons: Only six? Grif: Yeah, noone covers Monday. Apparently it sucks universally. Simmons: Well, today is Monday, so help me lift this panel. Grif: It is? No it's not. Simmons: What does the calendar in your helmet say? Grif: ... Dammit, I hate Mondays. Tucker: Hey Reds, are you over here? Simmons: Oh no, it's the Blues! How did they get here? Tucker: We got here because of you morons! Our Command transferred us here because you got transferred. And now we're all freezing, thanks. Simmons: Oh, really. Wow. Yeah that, sounds bad. Sorry about, that. Grif, load your weapon. Get ready to attack. Grif: Sorry Simmons, organized combat is against eighty-seven percent of my belief systems. Simmons: Grif! Tucker: We can hear you in there. Simmons: Just go away, get back to your base. Church: Our base is back in Valhalla where it's not freezing. Simmons: You don't like the cold? What's the matter, no holiday spirit? Grif: You know, often the journey to enlightenment is a treacherous path, frought with hardship and- Simmons: Hey, you're not helping. Tucker: We're stuck here because of you idiots. And we're probably gonna freeze to death. Simmons: Yeah, well that's too- wait, your heat doesn't work also? I mean, either? I mean, yours. I mean your heat doesn't work? Caboose: Yeah, we don't have fuel to run it. Church: Uhh, what he's trying to say is that it works fine. Does yours work? Simmons: Uh, yes. Maybe. Go away! Grif: Simmons, how can we turn away the needy during this holiday season? Simmons: Shut up. Grif: But they're cold. And hungry. Simmons: Well, we don't have any food, or any heat. Church: We heard that. Simmons: Dammit. Church: Also I don't ever recall saying that we were hungry. But since you're offering, whattaya got? Tucker: Screw it, let's just attack. Video Category:Holiday Plans Category:Special Episode Category:Episodes